Calling biohackers COBOL enthusiasts is unhinged and I'm here for it

Someone wrote a genuinely biting critique of longevity-obsessed biohackers by comparing them to engineers maintaining legacy systems, then abruptly pivoted to a character named Wibbs and an interior monologue that goes nowhere. The whole thing reads like a philosophy student who discovered both Peter Attia and pretentiousness simultaneously, mixed them in a blender, and served it lukewarm. Peak "I am very smart about health" energy colliding with narrative whiplash.