Gen Z discovers dancing is career suicide, embraces beautiful stillness

Satirical nonsense about a fake "rigor mortis" dance trend where clubgoers stand completely motionless out of terror that any movement might become TikTok content fodder. The piece gleefully skewers surveillance culture, social anxiety, and the performative nature of modern nightlife by framing paralysis as the ultimate safety strategy. Includes a gratuitous creepy DJ tangent that somehow lands. Written by someone who's simultaneously exhausted by and deeply amused by how poisoned youth culture has become.