Fake researcher warns social media ban will resurrect park drinking

A Yorkshire Facebook account invents a wholly fictional 'researcher' and fake regulatory body to predict that banning under-16s from social media will spark a nostalgic revival of 90s/00s British youth delinquency—all presented with deadpan authority and emoji flair. It's boomer-coded concern-trolling wrapped in millennial satire, complete with a fabricated expert quote about White Lightening being worse than MrBeast. The whole thing is a commentary-sandwich: making fun of youth behavior, government overreach, AND the performative expertise of internet discourse, all while a photo of actual drunk teenagers grounds it in uncomfortable reality.