Duolingo but make it rehab: three unrelated posts walk into a bar

A chaotic mashup of three unrelated social media posts: a clickbait headline about coffee preventing dementia, a sponsored ad for an alcohol-quitting game disguised as Duolingo, and a post about ancient Greek mystery cults. The second post features a crude smiley face character promoting substance abuse replacement therapy through gamification. The tonal whiplash between each post creates peak internet absurdism. Extracted text: YOUR COFFEE ADDICTION MIGHT SAVE YOU FROM DEMENTIA 180 20 58 Ultiself Self-Improvement Sponsored Take Control in 2 Minutes! DRINKING. just by playing this game for 10 mins a day. I swapped my drinking habit for this quit-alcohol game. It's like Duolingo, but instead of learning words, you're retraining your brain to stop craving alcohol. ultiself.com Your Plan to Quit Alcohol 32 4 Mushies · Follow 1d For nearly two thousand years, the Eleusinian Mysteries were among the most revered spiritual rites of the ancient world. Initiates travelled across Greece to participate in ceremonies said to fundamentally transform one's understanding of life and death. Philosophers including Cicero described the experience as one of civilization's greatest gifts, yet its central event remained secret.