peak unhinged journalism: moon cheese theft & flamingo coups with zero answers

ZORP NEWS NOW BLURG! KLIB-KLOB! ALIEN BIGFOOT STEALS MOON CHEESE! EXPERTS SAY "MAYBE!?" BLURG! KLIB-KLOB! JB! SHOR MAY'ERRM OSHR'ROLT LE'TH PRAB! LESS PURP MOREP FAINT MAYBE!! FLAMINGO UPRISING: TOAST AFFECTED! RENT DUE YESTERDAY: YOU'RE FIRED! TRUTH? NEVER HEARD HER! THE DAILY BAFFLEMENT