RFK Jr. speedruns his personal brand at peak altitude

The Onion delivers peak absurdist satire by imagining RFK Jr. literally stripping down atop renewable energy infrastructure to hawk some quasi-mystical immortality scheme. This is what happens when you combine wellness grift aesthetics, environmental performativity, and the kind of unhinged energy that makes you question whether the timeline itself has a sense of humor. Pure chaos wrapped in a heart-hand gesture.