Larry the Cat's divorce saga written by someone having a stroke

THE DAILY FELINE FUNERAL LARR-VORTIAL SPLIT! LARRY THE CAT END FELINE FIDELIT WITH DOWNING STREET WHISKERS AT DAWN! INSIDE THEIR MEOW-RIMONY MELTDPOW BORIS JOHNSON TRYIGH TRVING MEDATE WITH A SARDINE TIN MEGHAN MARKLE'S SISTER-IN-LAW SUSPECTED OF LARRY'S NEW FLING I WANT CUSTOBY PAWS-SED LASER POINTER! PARLIMENT NATIONAL CRISIS OVER TREAT DISTRIBUTION THE JOLLTENT FRYCLRS OVDH MEST ITE WITH SARDINE TIN I WANT CUSTODY OF LASER POINTER! BUT WHO GETS SCRATCHING POST OF POWER? MRES AT MIRE HEARD IT OR I HEARD IT ON THE GRAPEVINE! LEDS TI OH SOSE WHE OFF THE KEW MER? MEGHAN MARKLE'S SISTER-IN-LAW SUSPECTED OF LARRY'S NEW FLING QUEEN DECLARES 'CAT-ASTROPHE' ADDRESSES NATION NATION AT 11