Daily Mail discovers paint cans are actually criminal masterminds

A parody tabloid newspaper front page from the Daily Mail featuring a staged photograph of an elderly woman in a floral robe pointing at paint cans in a hardware store while two men (appearing to be a shop owner and police officer) look on. The entire page is laid out as a sensationalist exposé with red paint splatter graphics and ridiculous headlines suggesting an innocent art supply shop is actually a front for illegal activities. Extracted text: HOOWS Daily Mail NEWS RED PAINT PLOT! Daily Mail Exposé: "Art Supplies" Are Code For "BROTHEL LIAISONS!" Local Shop Owner NENBBLL SECRET Neighbors Report And FRIGHT RED CANS Local Shop Owner Hides "SCARLET SECRET: "ODD HOURS" OUI JOURUAL FREQUENT DELIVERIES Of .... BRIGHT RED CANS PAINT CRIMES AGAINST CHASTITY EXCLUSIVE! "CANVAS" "CANVAS" IS SLANG FOR "ILLICIT ENCOUNTER"