Biden's black hole twin vibes with scrambled shark romance energy
STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS-CHAOSβREMOVE FILTER
flooded road β existential crisis β Olympic pool jokes, no transitions
Two mates having a casual chat about a minor flooding incident that somehow spirals into existential philosophy about perspective and empty swimming pools. Someone named Sandy gets roasted for being short, then it pivots to Olympic trivia with zero warning or explanation. Vibe: drunk mates at 2am w...
Gates romance conspiracy meets Windows 95 fever dream via voice message
Someone's having a complete breakdown about Microsoft Word accessibility while simultaneously constructing an elaborate conspiracy theory involving Bill Gates, a Russian bridge player, and an affairβall while getting sidetracked by nostalgia for Clippy and Windows 95. It's like someone fed a chatbot...
hit head so hard jumped 22 years backwards mid-sentence
cal? - OF on sale (via @wttp3)β’
man brags about Iraq trip, considers self-awarding medal, threatens lawsuit
Absolute unit decides he's too brave for his own good, goes to Iraq, then spends five minutes talking himself into committing what's basically election fraud by awarding himself a Congressional Medal of Honor. The mental gymnastics are Olympic-levelβhe knows it's illegal, he knows it's insane, but h...
guy discovers emails, forgets how sentences work, warns about 4% release
Someone's trying to explain they found a sketchy website called 'unzim world' where you can apparently search through other people's emails, which they've already started doing, and they're weirdly defensive about how it's 'still redacted' except not really, and they're convinced only 4% of some mas...
Banksy's fever dream drunk text about hamster socks and mouth painting
mom's unhinged war-time travel PSA disguised as parenting
A mum recounting the absolute nightmare of her son nearly getting himself conscripted into a war zone because he apparently thought his NATO citizenship was a get-out-of-jail-free card. Starts with some incoherent book chat, pivots hard into a paranoid rant about her lad wanting to visit Russia duri...
medical emergency announced via existential questioning
Why,why,why, my coochie itches